This morning on my way home from dropping my daughter off at school, I cut someone off, and saw a bit of my dark side I thought had left for good. I didn’t cut the man off on purpose, he was driving about 20 miles over the speed limit, and got to me way before I figured he would. The person then cut me off twice in return, to even things out. First, pushing me to the side and taking the lane. Then, getting out of my lane, slowing way down, and swerving right in front of me again. The second time, I yelled “The speed limit is 40, moron!!!” while not so secretly wishing that I had the opportunity to punch him in the face. And that felt good. Because even though I made a mistake initially in not noting how fast he was going, I was right because he was wrong first in going far over the speed limit.
What did I just say?! Feeling good for that stupid reason shook me up because I’m so, you know, spiritual.
Immediately I started to wonder why being right and the thought of letting someone have it still made me feel a surge when I knew that it was far from the path to peace. I wasn’t looking for the brain-chemical-release explanation, but the spiritual explanation.
I felt like we were doomed. I’ve been meditating and doing reflection for close to 20 years, and I still feel good planning (momentarily) to hurt someone and ruffling my “I’m right” feathers. Zoinks! So I took the question to meditation. The answer came quickly. My inner voice said “Duh… It’s because speeding ahead and winning feels like power. Being right feels like power. Punching someone out feels like power. Teaching someone a lesson feels like power.” As long as we survive as the human race, we will love feeling power. The love of power is built into us. If we don’t have it, we respect it. We love power because we are powerful beyond our experience here and deep down, we know it. But there are different types of power. There is spiritual power and there is forceful power.
A Nice Pile-drive to the face.
The good news is that when you experience spiritual power, it feels one hundred times better than power from force. It feels so good, so uplifting, that you just laugh at the quest for power through force. Spiritual power is not just knowing that you’re right, it’s knowing that everything is right on God’s level of existence. Spiritual power comes from and appeals to everything that is life affirming, noble, courageous, thoughtful and creative. Unlike forced power, it never has to be justified or right. It just is.
I’ve been lucky/blessed enough to have felt true connection with spirit on many occasions. I’ve experienced this “true power” first hand. It is incredibly uplifting and blissful, and yet… it’s memory still escapes me in times of heightened emotion.
All wrong-doing arises because of mind. If mind is transformed can wrong-doing remain? –Buddha
I understand that how I experience life is all in my head, but how much practice does it take to get to the point of having a so-called transformed mind? To realizing your “true self”? Is it really possible for anyone to consistently be a Christ or a Buddha? Have you ever personally met one?
As soon as I think I’ve met an enlightened master, when I feel that I’ve been embraced by all encompassing eyes of light, or elevated to an experience of pure love, he/she is gracious enough to quickly show me that she/he is very human and forgetful as well. And that’s great. It gives me even more hope than imagining that she had reached spiritual perfection. Because if someone can give such beautiful gifts, and also occasionally enjoy the fake power that comes from being right or righteous, well then, I should be able to share my gifts too, even though my form of spiritual dementia might be a little more severe.
Fortunately I do have moments of clarity. One day I got an email from an client who hadn’t understood why I needed the dimensions of his book before I could give him the finished file. In the email, he politely asked for the file again without giving the info I needed, but he didn’t know that he included the thread of emails he had with his assistant in which they were talking about me. In the thread, he called me all sorts of bad names and suggested that I was withholding the “goods” because I felt I wasn’t being paid enough. I couldn’t believe my eyes! To my face, he treated me like a friend, and I gave him a good price because I had wanted to. My fingers started moving in the action of typing a biting response, where I would let him know what I thought of that. But a miracle happened and I remembered. I remembered to choose again. I paused and breathed the anger and feelings of being used in. They were energizing. They were what was moving my fingers and my thoughts. As my thoughts and fingers paused, an immense joy came over me. The energy of anger transmuted into joy through forgiveness and appreciation. No one was right, and no one was wrong. I thought it was a gift to get to see the very interesting process written out for me of how someone came up with judgements against me. I was filled with happiness as I retyped a response where I just sent him the files and explained that after he sent me the dimensions of the book, I would be happy to adjust the files and resend. He became a repeat client who is easy to work with.
It’s as if we can create eternal moments when we remember what we are; we can give others experiences of pure love and light as we remember where our true power comes from; and we can continue to make miracles happen when we join in love. As for the rest of the time, when emotions take the driver’s seat, we can be humble.
Am I right, or What?
♥ If you have any comments about remembering where your power comes from, please share in the comments below.